I don’t mean the very short, ten page type of story. They are often quick and satisfying to write, they come upon you on an inspiration and you write frantically, not stopping until that final sentence has been reached -the one that pulls it all together and makes you feel elated, like you have achieved something wonderful. Which you have, no one will deny that.
The kind of story I always have trouble with is the sort of story that I envision as a novel, or a series of novels. I have the plot structure- or at least a framework, I know how I want it to begin, I know the characters (well, most of them), how I want them to feel, to behave, what the inter-character dynamics will be, and how I want it to end, but to get to the end, there has to be a whole middle bit that I just don’t know how to fill. It doesn’t matter how often I try to write a chapter by chapter synopsis.
So currently I am only at my 62nd A4 size typed page and I am in danger of giving up. It’s not so much that I don’t have ideas, it’s more that I am at a loss of how to portray the emotions and significance convincingly. How to make my story mean something deep and honest. What I am most afraid of is that I will let myself and my characters down. They have already achieved great emotional meaning to me. I love them. I often think about them, especially my two central characters, but how can I transpose the life they have in my head to paper without them coming across as one dimensional and trivial? I want others to come to love them as I have. How do I turn day dream stories and characters into a written version and still ensure they retain their integrity? I always thought myself to be a decent creative writer. Lately I have been doubting myself.
Fear is what is holding me back and right now it’s winning the struggle.